Before endeavouring on this blog, a small caption SCREAMED at the back of my mind - NO ONE READS BLOG THESE DAYS, FAS, macam old school like that! There is a sense of comfort, to be able to express oneself through the means of arranging words into a statement, and statements into a story to remind myself what happens on that particular time and on that particular day. Often, it is about what's the first thing that comes into mind whenever you feel like writing.

I am currently reading a book entitled, "A Season in Mecca" by Abdellah Hammoudi, a story about his journey performing the pilgrimage. I've only started on it, just a book that I wish to know more about. The first few pages are rather interesting, talking about his preparation to enlist as part of the pilgrimage group to go for the Haj. He and me were in the same boat, we did it not being devoutly religious Muslims, himself out of curiousity, for me to fulfill an obligation to my parents who willed for their kids to go and do Umra' when they did their Haj in the previous year.

I didn't know the meaning of that, neither did I took the Umra' seriously. Then, it was just like any another overseas trips that I went through, only during that time, it was more of filial piety in nature, to fulfill my parents' wishes and to care for my late-grandmother who was wheel chair bound. To a certain extent, the idea of doing things in the name of Allah was an alien thing, it was more for personal gratification and how it affects the people very close to me.

My beloved asked me whether it will be compulsory for him to go for Haj and visit the "Black Cube" thing. First thing that came into mind, COULD IT BE THAT GOD IS GIVING ME A SIGN? I answered him and said it would be entirely up to him if he wants to go for it, if God is willing and we have more money, why not? And he went silent and talked about other things. Silently, I thanked Allah and said a little prayer to bless that moment. Insya Allah.

"Say: "O my people! Do whatever ye can: I will do (my part); but soon will ye know-" (39:39)

The equation of Age

I've grown up. It's been 3 years since my last update and I am entering 2012 soon. Much older, much heavier, and hopefully, much kinder. Kinder, why kinder? I want to be more kind to the words that I say to the people around me. No, I am no motivator or a designated advisor. I just happen to be someone who likes to talk to people and appreciate the differences between them and me.

The thing is, when you get old, things seem to slow down a bit. You tend to lose weight SLOWER, you tend to reply to your friends' text SLOWER and you have to think carefully and SLOWER when replying to an e-mail at work. I don't know, maybe it is a trend among those of my age, we tend to take things differently and do them slower. I've just realised how much I've aged with 3 nephews and 3 nieces in tow, and the oldest niece I've got is turning 10 years old next year. No, I am not complaining, just observing an undeniable truth that even though I may have not progress much, things are changing around me.

It's good to see people moving on with their career lives, high-flying for some, and different work lifestyle for others. But, I can't help but say there is a tinge of envy knowing that the people you know are getting better in life. That's why, I am thankful that in Islam, we've been taught of being thankful of what we have (Bersyukur) and constantly strive for the better. One should look elsewhere for peace and happiness, I have them in my family and the love of the ones around me. I am bersyukur.

Death of the White Rabbit candies

There has been this whole mad fiasco about not drinking China made products. I particularly feel the pinch when they announced that White Rabbit Candies have a level of melamine content in their products. This is attributed to farmers who mixed melamine into their milk to make it have more protein. From a country that has a range of food from your humble dog all the way to the promfret fish, this is something new as they are now even thought of eating plastics. Which I would deem rather, drastic.

I used to eat lots of White Rabbit Candies. They used to sell these candies at a rate of 5 for 20cents at the shop downstairs. Now, that it is removed, another part of childhood seems to be erased to make way for another new brand/exotic range of candies to tantalise the younger ones. It is odd, really. When you go to the candy shop, you have to walk past this large container of White Rabbit Candies and then, your day will feel must more.. right.

I ended up talking to my mum about the whole incident of the White Rabbit Candies and she was like "see, I've told you. Not to eat Chinese food. Don't know what they put inside the mix". Which I have to oblige her, as she doesn't really enjoy eating food with chopsticks. No more removing of the "rice-made" plastic covering of the White Rabbit Candies. No more enjoying the "milky-taste" of the soft chewy candy.

Stupid Rabbit. *Makcik Bedah pouts her red lips*

Hepi BirrdDay!

What a day! Next time, I wanna buy a Superwoman gear to fit into my little bag so that I can wear it on each time something bad happens or someone needs to be rescued. Someone got fired, my work seems to have just started with more things to come and I am thinking, are all these random acts of being "self-sacrificial" to the people around me really worth the effort and time at all?

I am 24 today. Yeah, noticed that it is a habit of mine for the past years of my existence to stay awake D-day before my birdday, so that I can stand witness to dawning hour of 12 AM to say, "I am older now." Which brings me to bring back old memories of sad moments, counting each years that went by and what reminded me of that particular year. Happy or sad, things are bound to happen to shape my life and perspective. I am happy to be born on this day. It is 12 September 1984, so Makcik Bedah is getting older by the day.

I looked through the contacts in my messenger, and my eyes fell upon the blog address of an old fren from my old Polytechnic. Went to "blog-surf" and ended up in a familiar face that I used to have a little crush on. Ok, little is subjective but oddly, I still feel that warm feeling, as if looking at that face reminded me of an innocence I used to have. I am happy now with my Ding Dong, but I guess, that warm feeling is entitled to anyone who used to believe in puppy love, the mindless admiration for something wonderful. I saw him the other day in the bus. Got to say that age and experience have molded his body into a rather, dashing man indeed. I looked away from him, I don't think he even remembered that I used to sit 3 seats behind him and wonders why he never talks to me at all.

There is a makcik that lives across my house, a surrogate mother to us 3 siblings whom we affectionately called as Mok Biah [No kidding]. Every morning, whenever I leave for work, I will meet her in the elevator. She will ask me one key question that will make me wonder whether am I regressing in age. "Kau nie masih sekolah lagi? Nak pergi sekolah ker?" [Are you still schooling? Are you going to school now?] Like clockwork, I will reply to her that I am working now and working at this place near my house. And she will go on to say "Ah, baguslah tuh. Keje baik - baik. Cari rezeki yang baik?" [That is good. Do keep up a good work. Look for a rewarding job.] Then, we would part ways. Mok Biah has always taken care of us since young, one by one. Age might have affected her ability to recall certain things. It is like, when one learns through books, one is known as intelligent. When you grow old and experience guides you, it becomes wisdom.

I want to age graceful. A fate worst than death, is not to recognize the ones around you.

Hard Woman = "Wanita Keras"

I want to be a "wanita keras", to be able to have a stand on my own and never back down to the laments of honeyed promises. To be a girl who is able to remember that it was from a woman that a man comes from, being raised from young with love, to hold the hand during the growing up years and to care till the body is wasted away in time.

I read somewhere in the Straits Times, about how women can never be the bosses or the presidents or the chairpeople of their working place. Let me quote the article *ehem*, Despite being sensitive, emotionally flexible, dedicated and tolerant of others' shortcomings, when it comes to the drawing board, elite women tends to be given the passenger seat still although at a parallel abilities to that of a man of her equal. Well, what Makcik Bedah can say is that, it is part of nature of that a woman has to take a seat back to care and be the "fragile" one. Imagine, if a woman is domineering, writing out rules and jurisdictions of what are permissible and what are not, to be trained into combat and fight with that rush for blood. That's why we ladies don't go into National Service, we have our own rush of blood during that time of the month. *Sigh*

I want to be a "wanita keras". Someone that anyone can rely on, the pillar that doesn't waiver under pressure and still believes that she is a "Mighty Joyah", able to fight the enemies eye-to-eye. I hated being weak, I wish it was an allergy that I have so that when I have it, I can see the symptoms easily and get them treated. Nah, I always seem to be the addict of that stupid four-word. Read it somewhere, women are always taking things too seriously, can't allow her to be in her thoughts or she will start planning what is the next thing to save on this earth.

Then Makcik Bedah will pester her husband to get it for her. *grins*

First Time... this better be good

I know. This might be the umpteenth time I am actually coming out with a blog among the numerous pseudonyms that I might have been named after. All those weird names that I keep creating so that I can position myself like a second person, not myself but "her story, her life".

Where do I start? Ok, let's start from the beginning. Let's call me Makcik Bedah. In the Malay community, this name is termed as "someone who is very gossipy, loud in both words and fashion, and lastly, the most hypocritical person known in the Malay community". Crapz, who is not when you are talking about a two-faced work called "marketing"? Yes, ladies and gentleman, that is my industry and white-washing is my forte.

All this started with Adil's question of "Fas, you dun have a blog ker?" Well, my benevolent friend, this first entry is a response to that question you have posed me earlier on this week. The concern that I usually have would be "I don't have time to regularly update people about my life" OR "I don't think I have much photos to upload as I am a photo-phobic myself" OR "I don't think my life is worth mentioning about, in this big world with exploding world population and high inflation happening around".

Ok lar, Adil. Since you have been one of my oldest net friend, let me dedicate my first entry to attribute your question as the main trigger for this verbosity vomit that will subsequently come from me. And, folks, you know who to point that scrawny finger of yours when you see your name being mentioned [hopefully, in a positive term] in this blog.

Allow me to get some things straight. I have a boy being caned for slandering the Malay community as "dog-phobic" community, I have a man [I think] who went to prison under the sedition act and I have 2 VERY POPULAR bloggers who are at loggerheads over whose words are true and maybe, hair is prettier. Check, a few things that I will need to excuse myself from having a private tea session with "you know who".

Yeah, and this is Makcik Bedah, signing off. *wiggles her butt away*